Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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