I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
be right there i have to get my cape
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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