he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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