I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
