I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
