I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
