i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
