I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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