I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my shit smells like andre
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
