where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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