He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize