jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
