Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
