i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
