you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize