So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i think i just lost a toe
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
