dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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