You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
