I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
