I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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