You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
