That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
