I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
