fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
