'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
