dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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