Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
