she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
