Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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