honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
