All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
