Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
