i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
