love makes seman taste better
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
