Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
