I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
