i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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