Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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