There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize