theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and she was petting her beer can
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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