We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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