have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
