I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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