dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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