he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I deserve this hangover.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
