i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
