So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
