let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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