If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
