if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
