Do you still have your period?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize