Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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