Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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