So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
