Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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