Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
