i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
