I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
