today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
