theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize