NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
