I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
