you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
