Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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