I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
