yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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