I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The best revenge is premature balding
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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