If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize