you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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