How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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